Clearly, India is not keeping abreast of the stock market report. My guess is that they are afraid that they might catch a glimpse of the beef commodities souring. None the less, it wouldn’t surprise me if their newest export catches fire, even for a brief moment. No, it’s not a non-beef steak, or 3D forehead dots. But the last one is in the right vicinity. Some doctor (I assume an eye doctor, or at least his customers better hope so) has made jeweled contact lenses. I guess this way, when mothers in India look at their starving babies, the flies they are covered in will sparkle.
One can only guess what the future health ramifications of this will be. But if I know people, no one will care until their retinas start to tarnish. The inventor of these jeweled contact lenses is named Dr. chandraswastingallyourmoney Jones, or some shit like that. Whats important is that this man has found a way cover a contact lens with diamonds and gold. In a way it’s a set back from the colored contacts still worn today. After all, with diamonds and gold, you only have 2 colors to look like an idiot in. Whereas with the colored contacts, you have a myriad of colors that look neither natural or flattering. Nothing says low self esteem like a hunch back with a weave and hazel colored contact lenses.
And now for the best part. Your “Johns” will be showering you with compliments on your new eyewear, because you will have to sell your whole ass to pay for these $4,000 accessories. And that’s just for the gold covered contacts. The diamond covered ones are $15,000 dollars. Hmmm, I suspect the phrase “ho’s scratching each others eyes out” will soon take on a whole new non-exaggerated meaning. But, on the flip side, it’s still a better investment than buying a house these days. If you plan correctly however, in a few short months you could be known as the new home owner, with the diamonds eyes . . . and herpes.
I am THE CSS. Those of you who know me know that I am a man who says pretty much what is on his mind. At times I seem to have little regard for the thoughts or feelings of others. I have been labeled a robot, a monster, detached, and other unfavorable things in my short lifetime. Less than a handful however have ever queried as to why that might be. And to be quite fair, I haven’t extended an invitation to my “inner demons”. Well that is about to change. ... Read More..