Earlier this month, we mourned the loss of a giant among men. And when I say “we”, I mean a few people in Arizona. And when I say “giant”, I mean a big, fat, bastard named Blair River. Blair was 6’8″ and weighed 575 lb. No, he didn’t stroke out trying to win it all on ‘The Biggest Loser’. According to the reports he didn’t directly die from his obesity at all. He died of pneumonia, after catching the flu. The reason why this is a news story, is because ‘big’ Blair was the spokesman for the ‘Heart Attack Grill’. This restaurant boasts some of the most heart stopping meals you can find anywhere. They have the single, double, triple, and quadruple bypass burgers. Their french fries are fried in pure lard. And if you weigh more than 350 lb, you get to eat for free. Of course since Blair was the fat face of the franchise, he of course gobbled up as many heart stoppers as he wanted. Again, he died from pneumonia, but I’m sure many would say that his immune system was compromised due to his poor health. To those folks I would say that they probably have a point. That is where my criticism stops however. Unlike the media who covered this story, I am not going to place blame on the Heart Attack Grill, or it’s owner Jon Basso.
I for one am sick of blaming opportunistic scum , for the actions of irresponsible morons. If you look up the ad campaigns of this establishment, it clearly tells you that this food is not good for you. In fact one of the ads says that you may “experience a mild case of DEATH”. Seriously, how much clearer can this be? There are very few people in this sloppy country who by now doesn’t know the risks involved with poor diets and obesity. The guy who replaced Blair was the spokesman before Blair got the job. He had to quit for a few months because he was recovering from heart surgery. AND NOW HE’S BACK!!!!! They forced the fast food industry to put the calorie content of their food on their menus. At first people were like ” holy christ, is that how many calories there are, in a (insert death burger name here)? I haven’t seen any of these chains filing chapter 11 yet. If you want know the truth, fast food is almost as bad as cigarettes for their negative affect on your health and as important, the addictive properties they contain. If you’ve watched that documentary “Super Size Me”, it is very clear how fast food affects the body. It was so clear in fact that McDonalds removed the super size option from it’s menu shorty after the release of the film.They know how fucked up their food is, they are just trying to keep it from you.
That’s why I applaud Jon Basso. He is screaming into a bullhorn for all of you morons who think like is just Bon Bon’s and beer, to step right into his place for a serving of Type 3 Diabetes with a side of heart palpitations. If you watch this video http://abcnews.go.com/Health/HeartHealth/blair-river-hefty-heart-attack-grill-spokesman-dies/story?id=13056400you will see that Jon doesn’t wilt under the scrutiny of the reporter who is interviewing him. He doesn’t even show remorse. He says it’s a horrible thing, but he knows Blair would want him to keep serving up those calories to whoever wants to consume them. He actually says he “has blood on his hands” but they have already crossed to point of no return. I love it. Thats how you stick to your guns. He’s doing exactly what McDonalds, Wendy’s, Burger King, KFC, and the other billion dollar companies are doing. Except he is giving you a fighting chance, by telling you about your chances of not surviving his meals. He is allowing you the option of dying with a smile on your face. That is of course, if you happen to be eating one of his juicy burgers when your massive heart attack kicks in.
I am THE CSS. Those of you who know me know that I am a man who says pretty much what is on his mind. At times I seem to have little regard for the thoughts or feelings of others. I have been labeled a robot, a monster, detached, and other unfavorable things in my short lifetime. Less than a handful however have ever queried as to why that might be. And to be quite fair, I haven’t extended an invitation to my “inner demons”. Well that is about to change. ... Read More..