I only find this remotely interesting because space/science stuff appeals to me. Apparently, due to the moons gravitational pull on the earth, the stars have been pushed out of their normal alignment by what is equivalent to a month on the calendar. So if you would like to know where you stand now, you can check it out here. However, other than giving an idiot a reason to not date you, I can’t find a use for it. So you may as well got to plan “B” and scratch your balls (or left tit, for you females) with a fork. The flip side of this of course is now you can’t blame your sign for the reason that you are unlucky in love. It might just be because you’re gross. You can’t blame your bad attitude on the stars anymore. You were just born an asshole. I have a friend who swears to sweet, honey-glazed Jesus that his women is a slob due to her sign. Now you know my friend, that she just belongs in a swamp and not an apartment.
But the best news of all for you ardent followers of the zodiac, is that you have a new lord and master to follow.

Yes peasants, bow down and kneel to the mighty Ophiuchus.  As any naked man with a snake between his legs would have , his nick name is Serpantarius. He’s a military man ladies. You may remember him fighting G.I. Joe as the genetically created leader of COBRA. But he has a soft side too. He loves poems long walks on the beach, and his sign is . . . . . . . WHAT ELSE, OPHIUCHUS!!!
So if your birthday falls between November 29th and December 17th, you are now under the sign of the serpent lord. I’m guessing the Christian community will rebuke this, especially since snakes are not sexy according to biblical lore. Who knows, if we’re lucky they’ll start drowning their own like witches. If they  start with corporation officers, it’s a win win for everybody. Well you people work it out. I’m gonna go get in touch with my astrological side and splash around in the tub.