I was reading an article a few weeks ago. It was written by either an astute observer, or Long Island RailRoad gunman Colin Fergeson. It noted the stark absence of color in the Academy Awards this year. The journalist wasn’t suggesting that the sole reason for this was grand dragon-like racism from the Academy. They also pointed out that the blacks weren’t a part of as many film productions as they were in past years. Obviously you can’t nominate what doesn’t exist. The question, if one needs to be asked, is why? Is there less of a demand for ‘jive talk’ and poor acting than there was in the past? I, for one, miss the brightness that reflected off of Chris Tuckers bugging eyes as he cackled and shrieked his way into my heart. I will also admit that I haven’t checked Netflix for the latest Steven Seagal and (insert dirty south rapper here) buddy-cop movie. But we are talking about movies that made it to the theater, so that wouldn’t count anyway.
‘Maybe he’s gay, maybe he’s not’ Tyler Perry has set Hollywood ablaze for the past few years with his infusion of ‘these damnblacks will never get along’ movies. I was at a friend’s house one day (and I swear this is true) and she and I were talking in her kitchen. In her living room her teenage daughter and a couple of friends were watching Tyler Perry’s ‘Sambo Done Did Kizzy Wrong Part 2′, or some damn shit like that. I realized at one point that all I could hear from the living room was some black women crying and screaming at some black man, at varying intervals, throughout this movie. It got so bad that I finally had to walk into the living room to see what the hell was going on in this movie. On the screen was some hysterical black chick destroying an apartment with 3 neutered bucks standing around watching. The fourth buck pleaded for her to stop while she broke item after item in the room. I don’t know about you, but if I want to see a hysterical black woman screaming at a worthless negro, I’ll just turn on Maury Povich. This however, is what the crux of black cinema consists of today. So between that, and Hollywood becoming lazy, greedy, scumbags, there will be no hot sauce needed at the Oscar after party buffets.
Hollywood is on a major recycling kick. In another article I read about the death of Hollywood. It listed the major movies being released this year. They are all sequels, prequels, or adaptations of an existing franchises. They are making a fucking Stretch Armstrong movie for christs sakes. So not only are we getting the same chewed up piece of bubble gum year after year, it seems studios think blacks only gum grits, and don’t chew gum. All of the sci-fi and fantasy movies being released by Hollywood are overwhelmingly pale, with blue veins lightly visible underneath. The only blacks who will ever be in Harry Potter are the ones who overpower him in jail after a drug bust.
This isn’t new of course. Remember that the 2000′s were littered with television remakes like Starsy & Hutch and the Dukes of Hazzard. Yet and still, there was no ‘Jeffersons’ movie. There was no ‘Sanford and Son’ movie. There wasn’t even a ‘Good Times’ movie. Why didn’t Spike Lee jump on these Ideas? Cedric The Entertainer remade ‘The Honeymooners’, but that was a sad attempt by un-funny blacks to remake yet another white sitcom. The blacks should band together (which of course never happens) and demand a black sitcom movie. I even have the cast lists all planned out.
‘The Jeffersons ‘
George – Don Cheadle
Louise – Regina King
Florence – Monique
Tom Willis – Bruce Willis
Helen Willis – Angela Bassett
Mr Bently – Russell Brand
James – Ving Rhames
Florida – Ving Rhames
J.J. – Jay-Z
Thelma – Beyonce
Michael – The kid from ‘Everybody Hates Chris’
Bookman – Fat Man Scoop (you whites will have to Google him)
Willona – Vanessa Williams
Sanford & Son
Fred – Morgan Freeman
Lamont – Denzel Washington
Rollo – Will Smith (at least one person would say this should be me)
Grady – Danny Glover
Esther – Whoopie Goldberg (you know it’s true)
I just want to say that I swear on my mothers grave (and she’s still alive), that if ANY of these projects get off the ground without me, I’M KILLIN EVERYBODY!!!!
I am THE CSS. Those of you who know me know that I am a man who says pretty much what is on his mind. At times I seem to have little regard for the thoughts or feelings of others. I have been labeled a robot, a monster, detached, and other unfavorable things in my short lifetime. Less than a handful however have ever queried as to why that might be. And to be quite fair, I haven’t extended an invitation to my “inner demons”. Well that is about to change. ... Read More..