With all of this doom and gloom littering the communication causeways these past days, things seem unusually grim. Our usual death and taxes have been joined by radiation poisoning and sliding into a tectonic trench. One of the design flaws of a lot of humans is that their brains shut down in moments of great anxiety and fear. In lieu of well formulated plans, running, screaming, and pants-pissing are the blue-chip reactions to calamity. It’s been noted by several observers how relatively calm the Japanese have been during their episode of tragedy. Cool heads and well thought out planning can get you, not only through the day, but through the rest of your life. Thats why I am here to help you people formulate a plan for a post-apocalyptic world. Lets face it, when countries are being tossed around the map by super-geological events, it’s time to think about your future.

Now, I have saved you the time and effort of coming up with a list of options by yourself. Frankly, you wouldn’t even consider thinking about this now. You would wait until the dust has settled, and you saw your first “Toxic Avenger”, oozing down what was once a heavily populated street. And when you do see that, all linear and cohesive brain functions are out the window. SHortly thereafter,  you will spiral out of control and into what will be a band of cannibalistic-nomads. The end result of that choice will be feeding off of salty-fatty human survivors, before those of us who had a ‘plan’, blows your face through the back of your head with a sawed-off Mossberg. At least it will be a quick (if not) painless death. All of that can be avoided however, if you accept the possibility of a cataclysmic event in the possible near future. If you have now crossed that bridge then I have some helpful tips for you. After some investigation, I have compiled a list of jobs that many believe will be of paramount importance to you and whats left of society.

 

1. Doctor

2. Gunsmith/Bullet maker

3. Electrical Engineer

4. Messenger

5. Mechanic

6. Brewer/Distiller

7. Well Driller

8. Hunter

9. Farmer

10. Mercenary

These are all viable and necessary trades to a shattered community. But since I live in America and my main concern is the restoration of the American way of life, I have some substitutes for this list. I believe that to regain the power and glory of this country that we have become accustomed to, we will need the aid of the following occupations (in no particular order).

 

1. Prostitute/Pole Dancer/ Porn Star

2. Mr. Softee Ice Cream Truck Driver

 

3. Singers/Actors (who can’t sing or act)

4. Secretly Gay/Pedophile Congressman/Senator

5. (insert race here) Supremacy Leader

6. Corn Farmer (High Fructose Corn Syrup)

7. Uneducated Slut (for repopulation)

8. Facebook/Twitter Tech Staff (people will need to update their disaster status)

9.Blood Sucking Lawyer (for class-action lawsuit against God)

10. Priest (witness for the defense)

 

About Thecss:
I am THE CSS. Those of you who know me know that I am a man who says pretty much what is on his mind. At times I seem to have little regard for the thoughts or feelings of others. I have been labeled a robot, a monster, detached, and other unfavorable things in my short lifetime. Less than a handful however have ever queried as to why that might be. And to be quite fair, I haven’t extended an invitation to my “inner demons”. Well that is about to change. ... Read More..

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